Home is where the Heart is

Today we’re spending out last day in Gold Coast. The beachy sunshine city…. though the huge downpour aftermath from the cyclone didn’t help with going out last night or heading to the beach today. That’s okay though, we get to take a few days to ourselves, meeting more people at the hostels and connecting with those back home.

My mom’s writing a book. All about the struggles and stresses that my family has faced with me coming out about my anorexia, the treatment and not just the negatives but also the positives and blessings that has come from this disorder.

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Something that I know my parents struggled with a lot after I came out to them about what I was facing was where to look for help. They read countless books, articles and researched the best of the best treatments. The problem with that is the different views and opinions. My mom read a few books that were highly suggested by many treatment teams and she absolutely hated it, all the book talked about was how to treat it medically. Medical treatment is important and incredibly necessary in order to gain back health and prevent more deterioration, but nothing she read was about the struggles and strains that families had to face.

My parents have seen me at my absolute worst. Times that I don’t even like to think about, or when I do, I get covered in goosebumps. Times that seem so far from where I am at in recovery now that it’s terrifying. Times that I would sit at the table and cry my eyes out for hours upon hours about food, caloric content or just disordered thoughts consuming my every move.

My parents pretty well had to figure it out on their own. They had a few resources and people to talk to, but eating disorders are so different from one another it’s truly hard to say what is helpful for one person that might be horrible for another.

The book that my mom is writing is going to tell our story, and hopefully be of help to other families and personal struggles within the family – something people seem to look past.

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My parents aren’t perfect and my relationships with them both have changed a lot since receiving treatment… at times for the worse and then other times for the better. But they are truly my rock through it all.

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I can’t say that I would be where I am today without them.

I still have a long way to go, but I am slowly getting my life back under control – not control of ED, but by Kathryn.

Today I am writing this blog from the sunny city of Gold Coast, Australia.

Today I am healthy enough to travel.

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I am beyond happy to be in a relationship with one of the best guys I know.

I am living my life with all my might to fight against disordered thoughts.

I am learning to enjoy food and what I love – regardless of caloric content.

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Today I am able to eat certain foods without obsessing over what the nutrition label says.

And today I am genuinely content with my life.

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I can’t fully express my excitement to live my life with more and more freedom as I keep getting healthier.

My eating disorder is not who I am, but it has helped shape who I am today and for that I am thankful.

Love you all xoxoxo,

Kathryn



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