Month: September 2016

Under the Tree

Under the Tree

I’m posting twice today, only because today was filled with so many blessings.  After I had met with Brooklyn I wrote my “Moshing for Jesus”  blog post back at Jessica’s place.  I then walked back to campus where I met up with Matthew.  Of course we […]

Moshing for Jesus

Moshing for Jesus

You’re going to think I am absolutely crazy when I tell you that last night I went to a metal show… and it was the second one I’ve been to. Oh boy… It pretty much was like what you would consider the stereotypical metal show: […]

Surrendering Daily

I almost give up.  Some days feel next to impossible… yet I always find the strength to get back up once I am knocked down.

Today I went to see Susan, the most wonderful and gracious councillor.  Susan and I have been meeting for slightly over a year now, meeting at more frequent times recently, as things have not been the smoothest, if you might say.

Susan has been challenging me to surrender.  What does it mean to surrender? To surrender it is to cease resistance and submit to authority.  Surrendering all I have and all the challenges that my eating disorder brings is such a struggle.  I struggle with giving up control, as that is why many people have an ED: to have complete control over something.  I need to learn to let my grasp loose, offering  myself to Christ to control and direct.

God, teach me how to submit and give you all of me. 

The other day I was driving to Guelph to visit my lovely Matt.  On the drive there I was jamming out and blaring my worship music, screaming the songs and worshipping my Heavenly Father.  My music was on shuffle and a song that I haven’t heard in a long time appeared to be up next.

 

Hillsong United : Touch the Sky

What fortune lies beyond the stars
Those dazzling heights too vast to climb
I got so high to fall so far
But I found heaven as love swept low

My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

What treasure waits within Your scars
This gift of freedom gold can’t buy
I bought the world and sold my heart
You traded heaven to have me again

My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever

My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever

Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

{http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hillsongunited/touchthesky.html}

God makes me laugh.  What a senses of humour.

Yes God, I know I need to surrender my thoughts and my desires to sin and act on the urges that my eating disorder so desperately wants and pushes me to do.

God, I plead that you cure me of this sick illness. 

 

On Sunday there was a young adults worship night at my church.  I met so many people my age.  As a leader at this worship night, VIVID, I was on the welcoming team.  I greeted people as they entered and directed them to the food and other tables.  There was one girl in particular that I knew I’ve seen before. Cassie. Cassie is a barista too, and a friend of Jess’.  There was a pull, I knew I had to meet her. I took the opportunity to approach her, her wonderful friend Maddie and my beautiful Jess. I introduced myself and we automatically connected on, of course, Starbucks.  Twenty minutes later I could see the passion and desire for the Lord that this girl radiates.  Later that night, Jess told me that she struggles with an eating disorder, and is learning how to push through and lean on God.  I MUST GO FOR COFFE WITH HER!  I need  this guidance, mentorship and accountability with a Christ follower that may understand what I am facing to a certain degree.  After the worship night I sent her a message inviting her to meet for coffee on Saturday.  I can’t wait.

God, if this is your will, please bless this conversation and guide my heart.  Help me to trust Cassie and be vulnerable – regardless of my extreme anxieties over sharing this personal secret of mine. 

I surrender.

I do not give up. I surrender to my Father.  I fight this battle and know that I will win because He won. 

“The LORD himself will fight for you.  Just stay calm.”

Exodus 14:14

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I want to know God more.  I hope you do too.  I want to collapse in His holy presence.  I want to be entirely transformed by Him.

I live for Him.  Through Him life is complete, there are no other worries.  The size of my waist or the circumference of my thighs do not matter.  I am beautiful in His eyes. The number on the scale does not define me.  I need to learn to not let my mind distort my thoughts.

 

Lord, have your way.